THANK YOU TO ALL WHO SUPPORTED THE KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN!
This is the inaugural thanking for Kickstarter donies for Sit for Glory! And the Firstie goes to Remsy Atassi. The warmth of his generosity would keep a baby seal alive, and whenever I see a cold baby seal, I shall chant the name Remsy thrice to summon his blanket of kindness, for this seal must live to be fattened for our winter feast. Thank you Remsy! #sealmeat
An affectionate thank you to John Schwartz for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Yea, though he is a behemoth of generosity that walks among us today, I do not fear his good power, even though I know the shear weight of such goodness would undoubtedly dent my extra large cranium were it to fall on me from the heights of his blessedness. When the firmament was made, a tree was planted which would bear the fruit of generosity, and John has plucked from this ancient tree and absorbed the nutrients that pulse through its xylem and phloem. Thank you John! #fruitpluck
A kind minty breath of a thank you to Michael Wherley for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. If you ever find yourself down and out, and there seems no hope at all - if you just believe, there’s no way you can fall with Mike in your corner. Sure, I just plagiarized We Are The World lyrics, but wasn’t its word meant to spread? Thank you Mike! #michaeljacksonhueylewis
A rousing flash of a thank you to Rasika Mathur for her pledge to Sit For Glory. Rasika’s lovely, energetic smile has powered not only small villages abroad, but mom and pop grocery stores throughout the Texas, California, and the great state of Chicago. Her benevolence can overwhelm the hatiest of haters, and her radiance is like the morning sun coming up over a radiator in a tropical paradise. Thank you Rasika! #sari(w)rap
A sweet, flowery thank you to Joshua Aliesch for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. I’ve got three words that start with the letter “F” to describe Josh Aliesh. “Thank you.” Since we flew the Rudy’s airstrike mission together back in the days of old style (light), I’ve known that Josh always has my back, both in my defense and scrubbing. Always one to give without taking, to leaven without baking, to comb without flaking, Josh’s heart is as wide as his chest cavity, but no more, for that would cause a myriad of complications, and he would not be with us today. But metaphorically speaking his heart is really big-like. Thank you Josh! #chipsahoy
A milky chocolate thank you to Brian for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. Oh, mysterious, Brian. The anonymity of your generosity makes you that much more intriguing, and I can’t even imagine the places that your support has changed the lives of so many without them knowing exactly whom to thank. Undoubtedly there are countless villagers in less fortunate corners of the world who are rising out of poverty, and when they go to bed each night they remind their children to look to the stars and whisper, “Thank you, Brian.” Thank you Brian! #villagersupport
A fond thank you to Gina Castillo for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Every since Gina graduated from the Academy of Angels, she’s been helping others fulfill their dreams. In fact, just last night she helped the Bulls to a Game 7 win over the Nets. For it is written, “Though she walks among us, she is not of this place, for she hath been sent to make artistic endeavors and basketball playoff wins a reality.” Thank you Gina! #hoopdreams
A moist peachfuzz-mustached grandmother’s kiss of thank you to Zach Ward for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Zach is a freak of generosity. In fact, he is supernaturally generous--this is not hyperbole. Sure, he has been nurtured to be generous, but that is only on top of his having an unexplainable mutation in the "giving gene" that has mystified biologists for some time now. Here's the thing: Zach’s dominant generosity alleles are so dominant that they defy the Punnett square. For example, hypothetically speaking, if he were to mate with a stingy female*, all four hypothetical offspring (generous phenotypes, of course) would still have homozygous genotypes, which is baffling because as you know they would all have to be heterozygous generous due to each parent contributing an allele, resulting in one dominant and one recessive allele. That's just nature as we know it. But Zach's offspring would still have homozygous genotypes, which is theoretically impossible unless his giving genes were unlike anything we've ever seen. THAT’S HOW DOMINANT HIS GENEROSITY IS. *(in this scenario the stinginess phenotype would require the stinginess trait to be a homozygous recessive gene, although in reality stinginess is a co-dominant gene. This was done for the purpose of emphasizing the point.) Thank you Zach! #genehackman101
A roaring thank you to Becky Lipski for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Becky, I tell ya, she’s a real good dame. She’s really on the level, and she sure knows this ain’t no hayburner. Guys and gals, she ain't the bee's knees--she's the bee's entire gam! Thank you Becky! #beeyonce
A thunderous thank you to AJ Schraeder for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Even though his name makes you think he’s a third-string NFL quarterback, he’s really a first-string overall dude. He’s the type of guy the coach wants to give playing time to even though he has no athletic ability, just because everyone likes him so much. And even if he stinks up the court or field, after the game the guys still want to share a slice of pizza and an ice cold cola with him. He’s that type of super nice guy. Thank you AJ! #jockcola
A juicy thank you to Rich Seng for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Rich was born without a heart--he is a heart. His body is made of kindness to the point where touching him might loosen the grip of the dark thoughts that we all have from time to time. So if you’re like Don Johnson looking for a heartbeat, look one step up and you’ll find a richsengbeat. Thank you Rich! #crockettscience
A tender thank you to Kris Simmons for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. If you didn’t know, “krisimmons” means “generous giver” in Spainish. I know you’re thinking “Hey, that’s not Spainish” but that’s really a hasty judgment on your part, considering you’ve never visited Spainland. But if you ever decide to get yourself extra lingual, try to be a krissimons. Thank you, Kris! #nospainishnogainish
A tip of the cowboy hat thank you to Jonathan Buchanan for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. With gallant strides, this altruistic man of the land rides the plains on his gift horse as it spews out generosity on his command for the artists of the land. A hero to many of us, before we can even shout “Hey, it’s Mr. Buchanan!”, a gold dust trail has been whipped up from the ground behind him and we live to make another creative thingy. Thank you Jonathan! #gifthorseysauce
A thank you to Cody for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. We like to call him “Da Vinci Cody” because he’s inventive, creative, and he outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. So if you’re ever need some help making something better--everything, for example--Cody is your Renaissance man. Thank you Cody! #wikiwikiwoowoo
A ten-gallon thank you to Chad Briggs for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. After the Southern man didn’t want Briggs down there no more, he ventured up north and, guldang it, are we lucky to have this generous sumbitch! He always looks like he’s fixin’ to help a fella and I shore appreciate it! Thank you Chad! #lynyrdmaltin
A well-executed thank you to Barry Fried for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Barry Fried is not reckless with money. He’s deliberate, which is belied by the fact when giving he runs at the person full speed, then jump stops John Wooden-style, and helps them out. It can be a jarring experience, especially for homeless people, but once they realize he’s just trying to assist them as effectively, efficiently, and personably as he can, they appreciate Barry’s giving fundamentals. Thank you Barry #seeFsee
A righteous thank you to Teme for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Teme’s way of life, documented in the apocryphal text “The Book of Teme”, demonstrates her generosity, and how we, too, should live our lives by giving, and by paying parking tickets on time, lest they double. Thank you Teme! #citylife
A world class thank you to Paul Tinsley for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Paul may be super nice, but he’s also REALLY super nice, a designation given to only to those who have tested in the 99th percentile on the nice tests. So if you see Paul wearing a badge that reads only “REALLY”, it is not a statement of incredulousness, it is an earned rank of friendliness. Thank you Paul ! #fartinabottle
A sunny thank you to William Thimes for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Why sunny? Well, you know how some people light up a room when they walk into it? William not only does that, his radiance gives those around him the Vitamin D that they need to utilize the calcium that they’ve consumed. In short, William is one bright guy and he also gives you sturdier skeletal structure. Thank you William! #thembones
A painting of a thank you to Elizabeth Gutierrez for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Elizabeth inspires people of all ages to inspire other people of different ages to do amazing things with other amazing things. Some of those things are art in every medium, as well as art in every other medium that hasn’t been discovered yet. Thank you Elizabeth! #petercetera
A cinematic thank you to Corrado Studios for their Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. FADE IN: A tall, large headed man sits at the bar, eyeballing his eighth whiskey. Corrado Studios enters, stops, and with a wry smile saunters over to the man and slaps him on the back. Recalling the distinctive tone of this long-forgotten backslap, the dull gloss on the man’s eyes clears to a sheen, and he turns to Corrado Studios. MAN: “Thank you.”
A throwback thank you to Jonathan for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Jonathan is a guy who doesn’t want to hear a “thank you”, he just wants a nod. Excuse me, “the nod.” The nod that is the equivalent of a slight tip of the hat, where one man is saying thank you without saying thank you. That’s what this is, but you didn't read it, you felt it. Thank you Jonathan! #noddy
A well-oiled thank you to Wesley Hooker for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Wesley is a machine of goodness, and he appreciates regular upkeep on the workings of a kind society. Consequently, this thank you is about smooth as it can be, and will last much longer than your everyday “thankses”. Thank you Wesley! #juicy
A mushy thank you to Martin C. Duffy for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. This one’s a real kissy granda’s peachfuzzy mustache smooch right on the cheek. Cuz Martin’s worth it. Thank you Martin! #grandmafuzz
A squeaky-clean thank you to Mark Kraft for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. In addition to being a lovely chap, Mark gentlemanly demeanor suggests his noble intentions are backed up with noble deeds. In fact, daily Mark uses a nobility laxative because said noble intentions are so backed up with noble deeds. Thank you Mark! #nobilax
A triumphant thank you to Jean Anderson for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. In days of old I would have hoisted Jean up as she held a trophy for best person alive, but with my aging back my hoisting days are over, but my belief in the spirit of the hoist is alive and well, so this e-hoist is for you. Thank you Jean! #hoistesscupcakes
A psychedelic thank you to Jay Dub for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. I’m tellin you, man, Jay Dub is far out, man. Like, he doesn’t even have feet or hands but he walks on energy pads and shoots light out his hands, even though he doesn’t have hands, you know? He like, sees music and laughter in the hair, and he grabs it and plays with it. He’s like, a prophet or something. He’s on another plane, man, and I want to get there too. Thank you Jay! #groovy
A old-fashioned thank you to Spencer Ham for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. By old-fashioned, I mean cut-our-palms-and-shake-hands-then-spill-blood-in-the-same-cup-before-toasting-to-the-days-when-a-man-could-sacrifice-a-goat-in-his-apartment-and-not-feel-judged-by-all-those-travel-brochure-thumping-heteros-who-can’t-spell-well. Thank you Spencer! #graditude
A urinary tract thank you to Think Tank for their Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Now, your first thought is that that sounds horrible, yet you haven’t thought it through. Most of the time the your expected word following “urinary tract” is “infection.” And those are really bad. So this thank you actually has the ability to kill off infection that might ail your urethra. Now THAT’s a powerful thank you. #prettygoodweekend
A thundercat thank you to Brian Sherman for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. So generous is this man that he will give you the pants off his ankles, along with a smile that will make you want to study Shermanology in grad school. Thank you, Sherm! #chugmonkey
A clumsy thank you to Brendan Dowling for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. I, like, really mean it when I say, like, that Brendan is super awesome. Like the best ever. Not ever, I mean, someone else in the history of the world has been better--not that he’s not awesome, but you know what I mean? Thank you Brendan!
A joyous thank you to Josh Mahan for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. The afterglow of his smile is nuclear, which usually would suck, but in Josh’s case it’s been harnessed to provide power for mid-sized American cities. Thank you Josh!
A cheesy thank you to Chris Berg for the Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. It’’s really awesome. Rad, to be exact. Makes a bro want to high five somebody and give a thumbs up while raising the roof. Thank you Chris!
A Bilbo Baggins thank you to Brandon Pacyna for Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Why Bilbo Baggins? Why not, I say. He’s a hero, and we support him in his quests. Forevermore shall he be revered in the village. Thank you Chris!
A Bilbo Baggins thank you to Brandon Pacyna for Kickstarter pledge to Sit for Glory. Why Bilbo Baggins? Why not, I say. He’s a hero, and we support him in his quests. Forevermore shall he be revered in the village. Thank you Brandon!
A terry cloth thank you to Harry Elliott for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. It’s light, extremely comfortable, and will make you feel at home. It comes in teal, burgundy, black, coral, and white. With this thank you, you’re sure to be the envy of your block. Thank you, Harry!
A eastern thank you to Christine for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. Not eastern like Asian, but like a New York kind of thing. Not that an Asian thank you isn’t as good, it’s just that it’s important that this one is made in America. Okay, the American one is better, alright? Thank you, Christine!
A heavenly thank you to Sorin for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. When God made Sorin, the devil peed his hotpants a little, because he had drunk 2 liters of Sprite in, like, an hour and didn’t want to leave the theater and miss any part of the movie. Crazy how that coincided with the birth of Sorin, who by the way is a swell fella. Thank you Sorin!
A Chicago thank you to Jodi Whitlock for her Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. Of all the songs that Peter Cetera wrote about Jodi, I think “Inspiration" fits this moment, because she continues to inspire lead singers from all jogs of life. Thank you, Jodi!
A natural thank you to Shane Smith for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. The tiger that Shane bodyslammed to rescue me back in the toehills of North Carolina recently contacted me to testify in his lawsuit for the chronic back pain, and I ain’t answerin’ that tiger’s number! Sure, I challenged the tiger to a match and technically it wasn’t tag team, but Shane didn’t know that and damn, tiger, did he throw you! Thank you, Shane!
A breathtaking thank you to Shawn Schmidli for his Kickstarter pledge to Sit For Glory. Shaw...Sscchmidlii....is..really...hold on....just...a...gimme a minute.....great guy....and....whoa man.........just let me.....thanks man.......